August 20, 2023

The Real Cost of a Porn Addiction

One thing that I really struggle with sometimes is figuring out the real cost of something that isn't necessarily financially calculable.

Sure, sometimes you can make assumptions that allow you to calculate things. But what about when you can't? Does it really have no cost?

When I was addicted to pornography, I never spent a dime purchasing access to any particular sites. To me, I thought that would mean that I was really addicted (kind of funny looking back on it).

So how do you calculate the real cost?

If you do currently spend money on your porn addiction, it's easy to calculate that part. But we really need to look bigger.

Three of the hidden side effects of porn addictions are focus, intimacy, and limited positive emotions.

Focus

If you watch porn on a frequent basis (every couple of weeks or more frequently) your brain has a limited attention span and a decreased ability to focus. This isn't just science talking, I've lived this and experienced it.

Now this might be really hard to calculate because the majority of people have a salaried job and to be honest, it really doesn't matter if you're operating at 99% or 0.9%. You still get the paycheck regardless of your output.

But what if your inability to focus means that you're overlooked for the next promotion? That would sure suck!

Or what if you're trying to start your own business but can't learn the necessary skills that it takes because whenever you try to, porn takes your attention away?

I can't calculate this for you. Only you can. Only you know what the cost may be.

Intimacy

Just like with focus, porn limits our ability to experience and create intimacy. This is due to a side effect called desensitization. It means that we are almost unable to feel close to people or things (except porn of course).

We can't even comprehend trying to put forth the effort for our spouse in trying to create a spark or do something outside of the norm because we know that porn gives us an even higher high with no effort.

Now does intimacy have a physical value? I certainly think so.

Without real intimacy, you really don't have a marriage. And if the intimacy isn't created, your relationship will eventually separate (or you'll just be together but miserable).

So now we have to add in the cost of a divorce (those suckers can be costly!!) along with the cost of either the pain of living alone with all the hurt and bitterness OR the cost of trying to start a new relationship with someone (dates, trips, events, presents, a new ring, etc, etc...).

I can feel the total growing exponentially....

Limited Positive Emotions

This last one can feel like a bit of a stretch but it's probably the realest cost of them all.

When you were a kid, you could feel your emotions at the highest of the highs to the lowest of the lows. But porn use starts to skew the pleasure/pain balance in your brain towards the side of pain. This means that it's easier to feel more negative more often and happier or more optimistic less of the time.

Do you ever just feel like an old grouch who doesn't have the motivation or energy to do the things you really enjoy doing?

That's your porn-induced side effects there.

If you knew that every day, for the rest of your life, you wouldn't be able to feel much joy or happiness again, how much would you pay to fix that?

I don't know about you but to me, that's invaluable.

I've had my fair share of depressed, low points in the last few years and can tell you that if I was stuck like that because of porn, I would pay whatever it took to get me out of that!

The Total Cost:

Let's get our calculators out and see if we can't come up with an actual cost...

I'll do my best to keep things conservative.

So if porn has destroyed our ability to focus and we miss out on two promotions over the next five years, what will that really cost?

Let's assume the first promotion came with an extra $10,000 per year for three years and the second promotion comes with a $20,000 raise for the final two years of our five-year scenario...

The math would look something like this:

$10,000 (yr 1) + $10,000 (yr 2) + $10,000 (yr 3) + $30,000 (yr 4) + $30,000 (yr 5) = $90,000!

But we can't forget about our lack of intimacy problems.

Let's start with the easy calculations, a divorce.

Outside of legal fees which we'll use the nationwide average of $15,000, we also have to factor in the splitting of assets along with potentially child support or alimony.

If we assume you have a ~$300,000 house with no other assets (again, conservative), splitting that or your wife taking the house and leaving you homeless, we'll say that you're really out $150,000 and we'll leave out the child support and alimony.

If we circle back to the side-effect of limited positive emotions, I'm not going to factor in the cost of therapy or the toll that taking anti-depressants or other pharmaceutical alternatives can take on the body and your mind.

But you already know what it's like to live with a more negative life outlook because you already are, you just haven't realized why yet.

So crunching the numbers and adding everything together, we get the grand total of $240,000!

So what now?

If you realize that this may soon turn into your future, you have a few options.

I work 1-on-1 with men just like you who need to figure out how to quit porn for good. I know how scary it can feel to give it up. The only difference between you and I is that I bit the bullet five years ago, wishing I'd made the decision fifteen years ago.

Set up a time to chat with me by clicking the button below and we'll see if coaching is something that would help you where you're at right now.

Schedule A Conversation

Your other options are to start working with a therapist, one I highly recommend and the man who helped me out of my own addiction is Bill Roman of Crucible Life Resources.

Or, you can always take theQuitting Porn Made Simple Course for $49 to help you through it.

Just know that whatever path you choose, it's worth it and you are capable of quitting for good!