September 4, 2023

Here’s Why Relationships Really End When Porn’s Involved

According to recent research, 56% of divorces involve one person having an interest in pornography. More than 1 out of every 2 divorces can point the finger at porn as the culprit.

But having been addicted to pornography for 14 years of my life, 4 of them while married to my wife, I can tell you that porn wasn’t the real issue for us.

Here’s what our real issues were:

• Feelings of inadequacy felt by my wife (created by my porn usage)
• A deep lack of trust between us
• Feelings of betrayal due to me finding sexual pleasure from sources other than her
• A lack of trust in myself for failing to quit hundreds of times
• Isolation created from not being each other’s safe place anymore
• Acting like everything was okay when it really wasn’t

When you look at each of these individually, you may think to yourself it’s tough, but I can handle it. But smash them all together and rub them around for a while and you’ll start to realize why it’s a mess that you can’t clean up. It simply isn’t possible to heal and flourish while those feelings and experiences are happening on a continual basis.

It was why my wife finally hit the point of “you either figure this out or we’re done!”. And praise God that she did because without getting to that point, I probably wouldn’t have given it up the way that I did… for good!

So what do you do now?

Well… you make a choice.

You either choose to keep living how you’re living right now… with all of the distrust, isolation, hurt and bitterness… or you can choose to no longer accept that part of your partner and give them a choice between quitting their porn habit or giving up on the relationship.

And I know you may be saying to yourself “but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live without this person” and that’s a totally valid fear to feel. But ask yourself, if nothing changes for the next 5 years and the same patterns of hurt and trauma continue, will you be satisfied with how your life is shaping up?

So, while quitting may feel impossible to your partner and they may throw a fit and get really angry, freedom is available. I have a course that teaches men the specific steps to take to overcome their need for porn. It includes exercises and challenges that, when followed, will lead to freedom from pornography and a healthier relationship for you. You can get access to the Quitting Porn Made Simple Course here for only $49!

But beyond quitting porn, I also coach men 1 on 1 to help them process the deeper issues that have been the reason they’ve needed porn for so long. We dive into family and upbringing issues, health, finances, relationship challenges, and personal desires to help them heal from the inside.

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